The joys of womanhood

Being a woman isn’t easy. I mean, the upkeep alone is enough to make you want to be a man. And they don’t get it, not one bit. They roll out of bed on a Sunday, throw on a hat and they’re ready for the day. As they look at you and ask why you’re not ready yet. So yeah, being a woman is a bitch, so it’s no wonder why sometimes we can act like one (not that I necessarily think being called a bitch is a negative thing, depending on the context.) So let’s count the ways….

1 – As I mentioned, the upkeep. I spent three hours last weekend getting “maintenance” performed on my person. From hair to eyebrows to nails. And I’m not a princess people. But as any woman knows, these are necessary items that must be performed in order to not look scary to the outside world. And ok, maybe I’m slightly obsessed with my eyebrows as of late, but that’s a different story. You still look weird if your eyebrows appear to have a bridge between them.

2 – Being “mom”. If you are a mom, you are probably the most “called on” for things. No matter how close dad or other siblings are to what they are asking for, those little buggers will seek you out so they can ask you. Even if you’re in the bathroom. “Mom – can I have some milk?” “Sure honey, why don’t you ask your father who is standing right next to the refrigerator?”

3 – Makeup. I know I need to wear some makeup in order to look human. And as I get older, I realize I need to wear MORE makeup to look human. Case in scary point: We were away last week at a water park. So naturally one doesn’t wear makeup when they are splashing around in the water with their precious little peanuts, or at least this woman doesn’t. And I barely slept the night before because my toddler likes to randomly wakeup and “sleep cry”. This means that he doesn’t know that he’s doing it but he wakes up everyone in the process, except for my husband, who wears earplugs. In any case, we were at the water park that day and my husband says “Look at me.” So I’m assuming he’s going to tell me that I have something on my face or something in my teeth from breakfast. Oh no, it’s even better. He says “It looks like you have two black eyes.” Gasp! Did he just say that out loud? I know what you’re thinking ladies, but I must love this man a lot because he’s still alive. Of course I was at Ulta the next day looking for a concealer labeled – medium beige/no sleep. Yeah, they don’t make that yet, but they should get on it.

4 – Working out and getting weighed. So you can bust your ass at the gym. You can literally feel like you’re sweating your ass off. You can feel like you’re getting stronger, and you know your nutrition is on point. But if it’s “that time of the month” and you get on a scale or some other torture device (i.e. the scale/body composition machine at the gym) you will cry and/or throw something. Because for a woman, working out and eating right aren’t the only factors you have to deal with, you also have to deal with hormones. So do yourself (and those around you) a favor and just avoid those torture machines around “that time”. Trust me on this one.

5 – Having a baby. This one does all kinds of things to your body. And those things are way too numerous to name in this one post. But one thing to highlight, per my sister, is that not only do they live in you for 10 months as your body actually builds them, but once they come out they also feel the need to take a bit of your dignity with them. From the time of delivery to when you try to do a jumping jack or you sneeze or you laugh too hard. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to explain this one any further ladies. Oh the joys of pregnancy. But it’s such a beautiful, natural thing. Right? Yeah, right.

I could probably go on and on about what it means to be a woman in this world, but I digress. I thought it best to highlight some of the major things some of us deal with in our lives at this point, as well as to give a little peak into the future for those who have not yet joined these ranks. But no matter what we deal with, there is no doubt at all in my mind that while we may not be the physically stronger sex in many instances, we are certainly the emotionally stronger ones because there is no way in hell that a man could deal with any of the crap we get to deal with on a daily basis. So in closing – Girls rule. Boys drool.

Peace. Love. And sanity. (my bitches)