Basically annoying shit that annoys me because it’s annoying

Wow. That was a cringe-worthy title, huh? It turns out that when I abandon most of my vices in search of health and fitness, I become quite cranky and a bit sensitive.  I suppose I should apologize to my husband, since he receives the brunt of my “reformed” ways. But I’m sure I’ll go back to my “normal” ways soon enough. Well, hopefully I’ll be a bit more self-aware by then and learn to practice moderation. What do you mean I can only have one ounce of cheese? Screw you.

Seriously though, as I started diet number 764, a new supplement regimen and a fairly badass program at the gym in the last month, I’ve been feeling great. My ills from the holiday season have finally gone and oh look, my pants fit again! All good stuff, right? But along with that came the abandonment of most of my vices – the weekend cocktails, cheese, the foodie “food coma” inducing dinners, and did I mention cheese? And with those magnificent items being on temporary hold, in the name of health, I have found I’m a bit more annoyed by things than usual. Now don’t get me wrong, a lot of shit annoys me. But lately, I’ve been a bit more sensitive as well. Like really girl, put on your big girl panties, suck it up and suffer like the rest of us! So in the name of self-transformation, I’m vocalizing what annoys me in the hopes of a more balanced, less cranky, less sensitive life, or, at least to provide some laughs whether those are with me or at me. I’ll take either at this point.

People : Most people are annoying. It’s just a fact. But not you people. I love all of you. You don’t annoy me in the least.

Kids:  Kids are definitely annoying. They basically live to annoy adults. But they’re also cute, so that balances it out - a little.

Work:  Work is so annoying. And this is mostly because you deal with people. But it pays the bills and sometimes you even find some gratification in it. But if I win the lottery, I will be happily unemployed.

The cold: Ok yeah, we’ve been pretty lucky so far this winter, but sometimes I’m sitting in my house and I’m freezing my ass off. And then I ask myself- “hey dummy, why are you sitting here freezing your ass off when you have the option to use heat?!”  But seriously, I actually sit here sometimes and get angry that I’m cold. Told you - sensitive and cranky.

Douche-baggery: This phenomenon is pervasive in our society. From the guy that smooths his way into line at a concert like a creep, to the person who talks way too long about themselves on a conference call. And they are always fully equipped with stories about how awesome they are. My friends and I have had to coin a special phrase since this phenomenon has become so prevalent. Now, way too often we have to say “DBD” or “Don’t be a douche.” Feel free to use it as needed.

Social media: I have a love hate relationship with this one if I’m being honest. But then if I’m being even more honest, I hate myself because of how much I’m addicted to it. So apparently, I annoy myself.

People who sell items on FB pages for $2: And I’m not talking about a bunch of clothes or something practical, I’m talking about some crap that you can’t imagine ANYONE would buy and then SOMEONE buys it!! For example, a person that recently sold a decorative chicken statue thing on a FB page for $2. And someone scooped that crap up in a hot minute. First of all, no.  And second of all no, no, no. Just no. Stop transferring your crap around. And stop buying other people’s crap. It’s annoying. And yes, people are making fun of you. This was actually a public service announcement. You’re welcome.

So you see people, I’m a bit sensitive and cranky at the moment. But I’m really trying. I’m trying to live a “cleaner” life. I’m actively trying to treat my body better. My brain might be atrophying slightly as a result, but that’s ok, my jeans fit. It’s all going to be ok. And you all just helped me be a little bit better by letting me get it out. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. And in 10 more pounds, I might just turn into an optimist. Ha, yeah right.

Thank you for your time.

Peace. Love. And sanity.